Eve Takes One for the Team
“Some paradise,” Eve sighed, mind zigzagging
between hangry and horny. No snake slithered but the sun
struck a tree bushy with ruby baubles: pomegranates.
She smashed one open with a rock, mouth agape at the red spill.
Juice ran down her chin——a delighted smile lit her face
as she inspected seeds in her palm, mind on fire.
Without a library or the internet, she began naming
the way curious language users will. Aril. Ovary. Exocarp.
Sated, she watched bees on flowers. Yes, this.
The first meme was born. Eve arched her whole body,
hand sticky with juice moving slowly between her thighs
just as Adam approached. “Finally,” he sighed. Yes, this!
A new religion——he fell hard. The exclamation point
added later by monks, who dreamed up lusty volumes
about the ecstasy and treachery of redheads.
Installing a New Redhead
First, be assured that the hive does not already contain a redheaded femme.
She may be lazing about, depressed, and can be coaxed into productivity
with wine, spicy fiction, and American Spirits——the pretty, sky blue packs.
If the red queen is dead, immobilized, missing, or no longer industrious,
make sure all traces of her pheromone are gone before introducing a new redhead,
especially if the novel ginger is fragrant, fertile, feisty, or felicitous.
Handlers of redheads: this may be difficult to hear. If the previous redhead
is alive, and you still want her replaced, you will need to destroy her
or be destroyed yourself in the ensuing coup. Please wear safety goggles.
If you place another redhead into a hive with a mated redhead, the monarchs
are likely to join forces and slay all the menfolk, sparing only children and pets.
A shared throne is rare with two redheaded queens, but possible if food is abundant.
A virgin redhead should be introduced ensconced by heavy layers of vintage candy.
Allow her to eat most of it before her first solo flight with a suitor. Red licorice wheels
are a favorite treat of redheaded maidens. Suitors take note: young redheads are not
made pliable by sweet words. No poetry. Just bring the good candy.
An experienced, MILF-type redhead does not want a new hive and should be left
alone in her stylish, boho apartment on a darling Main Street leading to the sea
in a small, New England fishing village bursting with bearded sailors. GenX gingers will
occasionally take a lover, worker, or guard, but prefer solitude and salt water taffy.
Installing a redheaded crone into an aggressive, active hive can result in vibrant success
or a sudden bloodbath. All lovers attempting to replace a redhead should proceed
with extreme caution and proper gear. Watch YouTube videos, listen to handlers’ podcasts
and personal stories. Unless you have concert tickets or an excess of royal jelly——
you ought to let her be.
Melanie Dusseau is a multi-genre writer and teacher from Toledo, Ohio. She is the author of a poetry collection, The Body Tries Again, as well as several flash romances in Woman’s World, essays in Faculty Focus and Inside Higher Ed, and poems in journals like River Styx, Wicked Alice, DIAGRAM, and Alaska Quarterly. An associate professor of English at the University of Findlay, she teaches courses in literature, craft workshops in poetry, creative nonfiction, and genre fiction, and facilitates a yearly summer study abroad program to Ireland. She’s currently querying a paranormal fantasy romance, sure to be a swoony bestseller. Her favorite literary feud is Hawthorne v. 19th century lady novelists. At first glance, his hissy fit comments calling them “trash” and “a damned mob of scribbling women,” seems like professional jealousy. But maybe the poor dude felt shame that he’d penned a trope-y, forbidden love romance?
