Ode to the Passionate Shepherd
Why must you stand in damned vector field pockets inside out when you said you would
be more embalmed people thought you meant involved talk about shifting differentiable
manifolds wind hits little arrows little arrows show which way breeze blows northeast now
southwest who cares you care but who else who else your crook looks like some melted
candy cane handmade straw hat called skep not cool not fashionable at all animal husbandry requires
pastures where is your pasture Council Grove Kansas great meet the Council Grove weirdo
you keep saying sheep know who you are best sheep do not know who you are come inside
will you just sleep indoors sheets sleet cheeks like Yuki-onna Japanese snow legend yet you
are no way legendary when are you going to be or buy boots that fit 2026 2038 did you know
if town completely replaced you with sizable rag and draped vertical modular steel safety pole
whole flocks would understand your absence but like the modern railing they would like the
new bollard much better do something special stop rubbernecking this busted up backyard
Ode to Tech Dorks
Now that you appear dangerous onset let us get something real birectangular tetrahedron
unusually equilateral: impressive unhappiness hardly stemmed from plenty of hype
as if happiness goal setting required stupidity we loved your locker organization minimalism
how you spun combinations blind without checking Master dials possessed half mother earth
then invested remotest planets why 1987 we should have been one of you we miscalculated speed
arcane seriousness/rationality degrades into conviction/nationality——like we did not think you rated
anybody else because how could you whatever tiers beneath “dead wrong” are our current
tears who knew except your x-axis or exes or cortexes your desires for massive audiences
to save small countries we should have made you say bitches aloud loudly in front of fathers
but no bitches you all collectively urinated in our geodesic camping tent hard to tell
whether or not intentionally so we slept sounder sleep present future lives alone foggy
solo silos felt cooler against fallen Sitka spruce logs froggy
Ode to the Nursery Rhyme
There was the fly who swallowed the old lady I do not know why she
swallowed the old lady the fly was also a lady The old lady is now
dead There was the spider who swallowed the bird who swallowed the fly
who swallowed the last goddess It was September many creatures upset
about high capital investments People sensed then winced then censored that part
I do not know but animals do know swallowing means
we are alive The old lady lived before she was dead
and swallowed the cat I mean the dog There once was the living old dead woman who
swallowed one dog one hog one goat This all happened before she expired before fly killed her
There was also the cow Nothing occurred to the cow The goat died too by
October everybody was burning laundry to remain warm The old lady also ate the horse
Of course after the funeral since she was dead she could not swallow the horse
Ode to Sump Pump
hose left blasting grass sump gorilla in mist is Dad pump disaster
no fist bump basement fills with shit sump pom pom pump risk all plumbers
dead: plumbers named Lonnie sump Ronnie pump Donny washer floats
dryer moats: outrage undertow sump hope nope pump phobia
overfloweth rainstorm rainstorm go away sump pump here to stay
we do not own any dry towel sump shall we (like you and I pump) or steal
trowel from Mr. Farrell’s farm’s self-storage shelf sump pump sump pump home alarm
sixty nights palmetto motel sump hell’s bells pump works well
well water sucks when well is filled sump pump sump pump prescription pills
coronary missionary ceremony money sump pump monk sump pump blunt honey
pet rabbit succumbed bunny named Sunny sump sabbath pump cunning
pool table in house now real pool for mouse sump scream pump shout peace out
Jeffrey Hecker is author of Rumble Seat (San Francisco Bay Press, 2011) & chapbooks Hornbook (Horse Less Press, 2012), Instructions for the Orgy (Sunnyoutside Press, 2013) & Ark Aft (The Magnificent Field, 2020). Recent work appears in South Dakota Review and Bennington Review. A fourth-generation Kepanī via Hawaii, he teaches at The Muse Writers Center & reads for Quarterly West. His favorite revenge story is a tie between “Brownies” by ZZ Packer and the film Pacific Heights. @heckheck03.bsky.social
